OK, so I get that I’m essentially too old to be listening to Drake or really having an opinion on anything he does. But now that Hotline Bling seems to be on loop on the radio and my six year old is attempting to sing along, I thought I’d check out the lyrics. He’s no Robin Thicke but I do find them surprisingly outdated, sexist and – well – utter tosh.
So, just because I can, here’s a response (although probably not one I’d tell my daughters about):
DRAKE: “You used to call me on my cell phone, late night when you need my love”
WOMAN: That’s right, I did. I didn’t want to call your landline number in case I woke up your parents in the middle of the night.
DRAKE: “Ever since I left the city you got a reputation for yourself now, everybody knows and I feel left out”
WOMAN: Feel left out of what exactly? Pretty sure I don’t have any more of a reputation now than I did when you lived in the city.
DRAKE: “You started wearing less and going out more, glasses of champagne on the dance floor, hanging with some girls I’ve never seen before”
WOMAN: To be fair, when you got late night calls from me I was just in a dressing gown so you don’t really know how I dress when I go out. For the record, I like showing off my gym toned abs. And the girls you’ve never seen before? They’re my mates – why would you have seen them before? I’m confused. It sounds like you thought we were dating?
DRAKE: “Ever since I left the city you…make me feel like I did you wrong, going places where you don’t belong”
WOMAN: Er, nope. I don’t think you did me wrong. I don’t really think anything about you at all if I’m honest. No real opinion.
DRAKE: “Ever since I left the city you got exactly what you asked for, running out of pages in your passport”
WOMAN: It’s true, I do enjoy a weekend break.
DRAKE: “These days all I do is wonder if you’re bending over backwards for someone else, wonder if you’re rolling up a Backwoods for someone else, doing things I taught you, getting nasty for someone else, you don’t need no one else”
WOMAN: Well a) that’s none of your business b) you didn’t teach me anything you big-headed prick and c) I don’t NEED anyone at all, I just enjoy the company of other people
DRAKE: “Used to always stay at home, be a good girl”
WOMAN: No, I didn’t always stay at home. You’re mistaken. I was just home when I called you. FYI I’m a woman, not a girl. I can only assume you wouldn’t do ‘nasty things’ with a girl because, well, that would be plain wrong.
DRAKE: “You should just be yourself. Right now, you’re someone else”
WOMAN: Let’s be clear. You don’t really know me that well. You used to get booty calls from me. But obviously now that you’ve moved away, I don’t call you because I know other people who live closer to my flat. I’m still the same person I was when you lived in this city. But, like I’ve said, you and I were never a ‘thing’ and so – obviously – you wouldn’t really know.
Due to the track and video being released on Apple Music, I can’t actually post the video here. But here are some hilarious memes prompted by his terrible dancing. I know. I’m old. Don’t be a hater.